The other day I was bragging to my Mom how Lexi is such a good baby, and her response was that it's because she was born in a totally different scenerio. Which got me thinking that maybe she's absolutely right. Although I feel mother nature has a play in all things, I also feel enviroment also plays a gigantic part. And having this baby has been the complete opposite of the other two.
1.) I'm not married this time. Although I have the support of Lexi's dad, we are not married and may never be. And I'm okay with that. I think sometimes that the only reason I would get married again is to be able to have the Father/Daughter dance (to Brown Eyed girl) at the reception. I didn't have that the first time, and I've always wanted it. I think in alot of respects, I was denied a lot of things in my first marriage, and I don't want to repeat that.
2.) I now work full time. With the other girls, I was a stay-at-home mom. For three years. And although it broke my heart to be forced to put them in daycare, it saved my sanity. I love my children more than life itself. I'm an awesome mom and spoil them rotten, definately more than I should. However... if I had to be around them 24/7, I would go insane.* My job gives me purpose. It gives me something to be proud of. It gives me a place to shine. I already know I'm a great mom. I want to be even more. I want to show my girls what THEY can accomplish in life. So yes, I miss out on field trips and lazy days, but in the end, they will be even better by the example I give.
3.) I have support. This time around I had friends and family that were there every step of the way. After the initial shock of me being pregnant wore off, everyone rallied around me, in one big comforting circle. I didn't have that with Trinity and Madison. My family was so far away and not as close as we are today, and my few friends drifted away. My mother-in-law, at the time, was against Madison even being born. So I was very much alone. Now, I have a list of people who would be there in a heart beat for me and the girls. In any way, shape, or form. And although I like to think I can do it all on my own, I know I can't. Knowing I have an inner circle that watches out for all of us, gives me the power and freedom to be the woman I always wanted to be.
When it comes down to it, I don't know why Lexi is such a good baby. I don't know why I have such a blessed life now compared to before. But I'm not going to ask questions. I'm gonna take what life has given me and run with it.
Shelly
Ya'll better watch out
*Total props to Krystal at Little Lambs, and the Boys and Girls Club that take such good care of my girls
1 comment:
As always, I'm in awe of your writing talent this was a wonderful subject to lend it to. It was so heart felt, honest and genuine....and that's what our blogs are for - a place where we can be honest and open. It's OUR space! And, I really meant what I said. I can see how you are enjoying being a new mother this time around. Lexi was a true gift who came at just the right time in your life!
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